


An Explosive Exit.

by LadyMuzzMuzz



Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: Death Knight, Gallows Humor, Mild Gore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 18:40:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19090846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyMuzzMuzz/pseuds/LadyMuzzMuzz
Summary: A one shot of how one of the more unlikely of Death Knights came into being.





	An Explosive Exit.

_'Well, shit.'_

 

A rivulet of blood streamed from the goblin's left leg onto the lifeless ground. She'd never make it far, not enough to outrun the undead that were undoubtedly coming to her location. She'd already taken down several zombies, but the gargoyle that gashed her with it's claws had managed to sound the alarm before it had its skull caved in.

 

_Only one thing to do now,_ she mused as she slowly limped towards a twisted, rotten tree stump, situated upon a small hill. _No need for the parcels,_ she got rid of the pack on her back. It had been too tempting, just a small delivery from Undercity to Light's Hope. And now she realized why the pay was so good.

 

Searching through her belt pack, she found the two things she really needed, a small electronic goblin gizmo she had bought back in Gadgetzan, and a flask. The latter she began chugging it, enjoying the last bit of Kaja Kola.

 

As the last of the sweet taste dribbled down her throat, the sound of skittering and intelligible cries of zombies and gheists. It wouldn't be long now....

 

Taking the electronic device, she studied it sorrowfully. Of all the ways for a goblin gal to go, being devoured by stinking zombies was very, very, low. But.... this little piece of tech could change it all. Well, not change the ultimate outcome, but at least the method. If this thing worked like the sales guy had said, she'd take out anything in a hundred foot radius. And her of course, but explosion deaths were a time honoured tradition in her family. Great Grandma Clank, bless her soul, blew off a chunk of Kezan while testing a new form of thermite. Couple of her cousins were sappers in the Second War, but you never talked about that in polite company.

 

_Shame no one will witness this baby,_ she placed the device down on the ground, and hit the button with her foot. Then she unsheathed her swords, and waited for the onslaught to come. The gheists came first, and she dispatched them with ease, the zombies next

 

“ _ **Thank you for purchasing Oswald the Magnificent self destruction device, the weapon of choice for the explosive minded**_ ” the speaker said, in a sultry female goblin voice, _**“For your security. Please state your name."**_

 

“Razz L. Clank” the goblin grunted as yet another gargoyle was eviscerated by her blade.

 

_**“For your security, please state your password.”** _

 

“Bombs Away” she punctuated while decapitating a skeleton

 

_**“I'm sorry, I didn't catch that, please state your password again. Remember, your password cannot be in gnomish”** _

 

“BOMBS AWAY!!” she roared as both swords jammed into the belly of a hell hound. A few agonizing seconds later, the machine whirred and the voice on the speaker.

 

_**“Thank you. This machine will self destruct in thirty seconds. For your own safety, please keep a minimum distance of 30 feet from the device”** _

 

“ **THIRTY FEET!?”** She bellowed, _Goddammit, the mother bomber sales guy said it was a hundred feet._ Of course, there was nothing she could do about it, as she was battling increasing number of the undead.  All she had to to was hold on for a measly half a minute.  How hard could it be?

 

“20 seconds” the voice intoned, as she barely dodged the hook of an abomination. Everything seemed to move so slow.

 

_Listen kid, I've got thirteen of your brothers and sisters to feed, and a no good lousy sorry excuse for a goblin as a husband. I ain't got time or energy to take care of your sorry ass. Tomorrow, you're getting on that boat and leaving. I don't want to see your face again unless you come back as a Trade Princess._

 

“10 seconds”

 

_Good work with that last job Razz, boss was real pleased when you got rid of that damn ettin. Perch wagered that you couldn't take it down all by yourself, but hey, there's a reason I'm the mine foreman, and he's not. Not sure why you're vouching for a drugged up loser like Gally, but you've always had an eye for talent, and who am I to argue?_

 

“5 seconds”

 

_Listen, I got a quick delivery gig, and all my normal courier guys suddenly had their grandmas die or something. I know you're going freelance right now, but I'm kinda desperate, and I'll pay extra Just need you to pick a couple of parcels from Undercity, and deliver them to the Argent Dawn base out in the Eastern Plaguelands. And while you're there, see if those guys need any of our services. I know you got some connections with those crazy bastards._

 

“5 seconds”

 

_Wait..._

 

_What...?_

 

“5 seconds”

 

_**“Error: I'm sorry, there seems to be a chronometre malfunction, please refer to owners manual to see if you're still covered under warranty. Have a Wonderful Day!”** _

 

_Well, fuck._

 

So flummoxed by this awful turn of fate, she didn't see armoured skeleton until he bashed into her left arm. The feel of shattered bone screeching through her nerves snapped her back to the present, and she fought on, with determination she didn't know she had. The offending skeleton was kicked in the unarmoured ankle bone, which caused it to topple, allowing her to finish it off. Using some of its breastplate as a makeshift shield for her crippled arm, she pressed on

 

Maybe, just maybe, the corpses around her would be enough for the undead to cut their losses. Then maybe she could limp towards Light's Hope. After what seemed an eternity, dozens of truly dead lay on the ground, a testament to what she was capable of.

 

Yet more came, and finally, she was too slow. It was another skeleton, and while she was distracted by a gheist, that finally got the killing blow.

 

The rusty serrated blade plunged through her chest, impaling her onto the tree trunk.

 

_I hope my tetanus shots are still effective,_ a small part of her mind thought as everything became blurry. It was hard to breathe, it felt like bubbles of Kola were clogging her throat. She ought to try getting that sword out, but both of her hands were equally useless. She had enough sense to kick the skelaton away with the remaining strength in her good leg, causing it to clatter comically down the hill. She was surprised at the lack of pain. Maybe dying like this as opposed blowing up into smithereens wasn't half bad.

 

The undead were retreating....that was odd. She thought they'd have enough sense to finish her off, or at least gloat over her. Something was approaching. The Argent Dawn perhaps? No, the fluttering of wings. Not gargoyle wings. Ethereal wings. A woman.

 

_A valkyr. Oh my Kajamite, the legends are true, where Valkyr descend to take warriors to a glorious afterlife._

 

But something was wrong. She was cold. Why was she so cold.

 

The shimmering valkyr placed her hand on the Goblin's cheek, and smiled sweetly, “Oh little one, the Master has called for you to serve. And you WILL serve”

 

And as the cold darkness took Razz L. Clank, she heard the chilling introduction.

 

_**Welcome to the Scourge.** _

 

**Author's Note:**

> My apologies for the amateur quality of this story, it's been nearly fifteen years since I published my last piece of fanfiction. I will always have a place in my heart for the Death Knight quests and characters, even though I've burnt out on the game after a ten year addiction.
> 
> I know, timeline wise, goblins being a Horde Race came after WotLK, but I'm willing to blur the canon for the sake of a good story.


End file.
